S'more To Explore
by CrumpetCapers
Summary: BTR goes on a camping trip for the weekend...alone. Or are they? Their plans for a peaceful outing turn into nothing but chaos. Six parts to this short ficlet. *Complete*
1. Part I: Are We There Yet?

**A/N: Originally planned as a one-shot, this was my first ever fanfic idea for BTR , a couple of years ago, but I never followed through with it. However, a friend just mentioned that an episode about camping was in the works, so I decided to post it now before it comes out. That way everyone will know that all the foolishness and nonsense inside is purely mine! If such nonsense ever actually airs, it is purely coincidental! **

**This will be a short story, with 5-6 parts instead of chapters, so I will up-date pretty quickly. The content is tame and well...rather ridiculous. (:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of its characters.**

**xxx**

**Part I: Are We There Yet?**

"Gustavo! We would like to get out of here _sometime _today, if that's all right with you!" Kendall exclaimed. "We have plans!"

"Plans?" Gustavo echoed. "I don't like it when you guys have plans! You guys plus plans, equals trouble!"

Kelly scrutinized the boys closely. "Anything... dangerous?"

"Naw! We're just going camping!" Carlos clarified.

"Camping?" Gustavo and Kelly asked in unison.

"Yep. Camping," James repeated firmly, "and you can't stop us!"

"Yeah, somehow I don't see you as the camping type, James," Gustavo pointed out.

"WHAT? I love camping!" James insisted.

"James, how many times have you actually been camping?" Kelly asked.

"Pffft! Lots of times! With these guys!" They did not look convinced. The others did not elaborate. "There was that one time...we used to camp out all the time in Kendall's back yard-"

"_That_ is not camping! This is not to be taken lightly! It could be dangerous!" Kelly insisted.

"Carlos and I have major camping experience. We stayed at Camp Wonkey-Donkey for years," James added.

"_That's _not real camping, either!" Kelly said.

"Oh, come on!" Kendall scoffed. "Its camping! People camp all the time! Besides...my mom is fine with it...so we're going."

Gustavo sighed in exasperation. "Fine. Go on! Get outta Here!" He dismissed them with a wave of his hand. As soon as the door closed behind the cheering boys, Gustavo grimaced. "I don't have a good feeling about this. If they don't find trouble, trouble finds them."

Kelly's eye began to twitch, and she nodded in agreement. "We need to follow them, then?"

"Yep."

xxx

"Oh boys, before you leave I have a little something for each of you," Mrs. Knight said.

Katie rolled her eyes as her mother handed each boy a small gift bag. "_What? _It's their first unsupervised camping trip. It's special," she said emotionally. It was the boys' turn to roll their eyes.

Kendall crammed the last of the rolled-up sleeping bags into the trunk, before digging into his gift bag. "Ahhh! A compass! Gee...thanks Mom," he said with a dimpled grin. She gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"I have binoculars! Whoo-Hoo!" Carlos shouted, unable to contain his excitement.

"What do you have, Logan?" Kendall asked.

"A first aid kit. _Niiiice! _Thanks Mama Knight," he said with sincerity.

James bear-hugged Mrs. Knight, with a radiant smile plastered on his face. "James looks happy," Logan said.

"I am. I got a gadget set with everything I could need, on one simple ring! I've wanted one of these since I was little, but my mother said it was too dangerous!"

"Cool! Let me see!" Carlos cried, suddenly quite interested in James' gift.

"All of you can share!" Mrs. Knight warned before a brawl ensued. The three boys nodded knowingly at one another when they saw that James had a small round mirror on the ring.

They climbed into the jeep, and patiently accepted the hugs and kisses from the pair, one of whom had remained unusually silent. They tolerated the warnings and orders, and graciously took the list of emergency phone numbers that were thrust at them.

"Okay! Okay, Mom! I believe that's everything! Every. _P__ossible._ Thing."

"Just be careful!" she called. "I packed some pajamas in your bags!" she yelled, as they begin to back away.

"Great," muttered Kendall. "And it's only ninety degrees." The others groaned too.

"What was that, sweetie?"

"I said that's great, Mom!"

Finally, Katie found her voice. "Don't get eaten by bears!" she called.

"Right L'il Sis!" Kendall called back.

Mrs. Knight waited patiently until the truck had pulled completely out of sight, before turning to her daughter with a familiar look upon her face. "Katie, get the bug spray," she said.

"We're going to follow them, aren't we?" Katie asked.

"Yep."

xxx

"Rebecca!" Hawk called, "Find out what Gustavo's dogs are up to! I know everything they have planned for the next six months, and I don't recall anything that would require fishing rods and sleeping bags!"

"On it!" she quipped in her signature British accent. "Are we planning on following, by any chance?"

"We are! And maybe we can keep them from returning once and for all," he said mysteriously. "Caw!"

xxx

The boys drove nearer to their destination. Carlos bounced impatiently in his seat. "Are we there yet?" he asked, for what Kendall was sure was the umpteenth time.

"_Really,_ Carlos? People actually ask that on road trips?" Logan scolded.

"Why not?" Carlos said excitedly. "I can't wait to try out my new binoculars!"

"Well, would you mind?" James asked indignantly.

"Mind what?" Carlos asked innocently.

**"Not** putting them in my face!"

"Everyone just settle down!" Kendall demanded. "I'm a little confused about this route." He tilted his head to the side, trying to make sense of the map. "Which way?" he asked, studying the fork in the road.

"Left!" Carlos and James shouted.

"Right!" Logan said with certainty, but was drowned out by the collective voices of the others.

Kendall tapped the brakes while Logan was sipping from his canteen. "Uhhh!" he cried, when he was suddenly doused with water.

Kendall veered left with the three of them slapping at one another.

"You hit me in the eye!" James accused Logan.

"I didn't mean to! I got myself all wet and it startled me!"

"You peed yourself already?" Carlos exclaimed.

"NO! I didn't pee! I spill-"

"Stop putting those binoculars in my face!" James interrupted.

Kendall sighed. "We should be near the campground now...in case anyone cares."

"Turn right!" Logan said, peering closely at the map. "I really think that we should have invested in a GPS," he reminded him again.

"Well, we didn't! And now we will be able to tell our grand-kids that we actually drove someplace the old-fashioned way, where we will live off of the land...the old-fashioned way, for three whole days!" Kendall beamed.

They all smiled. "You do know that you said 'old-fashioned way' twice, don't you?"

"I do."

They slowly rolled along the bumpy dirt road, ending up on a narrow path winding through some dense trees. "Shouldn't there have been a campground sign by now?" asked James.

Kendall shrugged. "Maybe it's too rustic out here to put up an actual sign. This is going to be real camping!"

"Oh, look! There's a sign over there but I can't make out what it says," Carlos said, peeking through his binoculars.

"Where?" they all asked.

"Thatta' way." Carlos pointed.

Not bothering to drive over to the sign which clearly said; 'DANGER: ENTER THIS AREA AT YOUR OWN RISK', Kendall drove on and pulled into an inlet. "We don't want to be too close to the entrance," he rationalized. No one protested so he kept going.

He stopped the engine and grinned, smug with satisfaction. "We're here!" He stretched his long legs.

They unloaded the tent, bags and coolers and trudged along, hoping to find an ideal place to set up. The sticky humidity hit them right away, and the added weight of the gear had them sweating bullets.

Carlos' small form was overloaded with items. He spun out of control at the top of a hill and toppled to the ground, rolling for what seemed like an eternity, before finally landing at the bottom.

"Carlos! Are you okay!" Logan shouted from the top of the hill.

"M'okay," Carlos whimpered. James hopped down and pulled him to his feet. He shared the burden of the load while they struggled back to the top.

"Well, that's not a good start," Logan grumbled.

"Don't be so pessimistic!" Kendall warned.

"Hmmm...that's good, I guess," James said, scanning the area. "No annoying neighbors yet. Luckily for us it will seem so much more secluded, even in a busy campground."

"Yeah! Like we're in the arctic tundra!" Carlos squealed. Logan rolled his eyes.

"Just like that," he said, flicking Carlos on the back of the neck, "except we're in the woods not on barren land, it's about a hundred degrees not twenty below, and were in the middle of trees not ice and snow! Oh, and did I mention it's a hundred degrees?!"

"Boys! Boys! Boys!" Kendall reprimanded them. "Just enjoy this beautiful view!" He had stopped to look at the various cave-like structures. Carlos stuck out his tongue at Logan anyway. Kendall clicked his tongue at them.

"Whatever," Logan groaned, then stuck his tongue out in retaliation when Kendall turned around.

Kendall's eyebrows rose dramatically and disappeared beneath his blonde bangs. "Hey, I think I see the perfect spot!" he announced. He pointed to a patch of land with a thin cluster of trees surrounding it. The clearing would make it less likely to spark a fire and it looked relatively level. It would be a good place to stake a tent.

"That does look like a good spot," James agreed. Logan was still spinning around in circles, eyeing the area warily. He wasn't exactly sure what it was he was looking for, but he figured he'd know when he found it. The others held their breath, waiting for a sign of approval. When the nod finally came, they exhaled in relief.

"Great!" Kendall said, "then let's get the show on the road!"

The boys busied themselves with the nylon structure. Finally, with the tent in place, they sat down on some stumps and admired their handiwork.

"Yeah... is it supposed to be leaning like that?" Carlos asked.

"Not at all," Kendall replied. James and Logan readjusted the stake until the tent stood straight.

"So, what should we do first?" Kendall asked.

"I don't know. Should we go fishing?" James suggested.

"Yeah! We can eat them for lunch!" Carlos squealed.

"Them? How do you know we can even catch _one_ fish, never mind plural _fishes_," Logan said skeptically.

It was Kendall's turn to be sarcastic. He swaggered over to Logan and Carlos and clapped them both on the shoulders. "I'll have you boys know, that I have never returned from a fishing excursion, fishless. Not once!"

"Fishing _excursion?_" James echoed.

"Fishless?" Logan said.

"That's right. Not once," Kendall repeated.

"Oh, really? So then, what you're really sayin', is that you would go fishing with that one uncle of yours that you're always talking about, not be able to catch a single one, stop off at the market to buy some, and pass them off as ones that you guys actually caught?" he finished breathlessly.

"Something like that," Kendall conceded with a grimace.

xxx

Meanwhile, Mrs. Knight and Katie were checking in at the lodge on the other side of the lake, _the safe side._

"_Wow!"_ Katie said happily, admiring the lobby with its stone fireplace and over-sized leather furniture.

They entered their room to find an equally impressive lay-out. Katie released a low whistle. "I think I just may enjoy this, after all."

She opened the drapes, to reveal the vast view of the campground below that the two-story balcony had to offer. "This is pretty posh, for a supposedly rustic lodge." She nodded toward the large flat-screen tv on the wall. "I thought camping was about 'roughing it', Mom."

"Oh, I don't do 'roughing it'," Mrs. Knight reminded her, "besides, we can keep an eye on the boys from up here, without them ever even knowing it."

She pulled out her hi-powered binoculars, complete with night vision lenses, from her handbag. "I was promised that I would have a view of the entire site, at least the designated 'safe zones'. It's too dangerous outside of those,_ and_ against the rules."

She scanned the rows of tents. She could not find the boys' tent, that she had clearly marked with a florescent orange BTR logo on top, that would even glow in the dark. She lowered them. "Hmmmm," she murmured," that's odd."

"What?"

"I marked the top of their tent so that I could find it, but it's none of these."

"Well, those idiots are probably lost already," Katie said with a shrug. "Hey, I wonder if we get FOX here." She grabbed the remote and lunged into the fluffy pillows.

Mrs. Knight raised her binoculars once more and studied the entire parking lot with no sign of the truck either. She sighed loudly. Why did the boys have to be so much trouble?

xxx

Gustavo and Kelly also checked in, completely unaware of Katie and Mrs. Knight's arrival. There weren't any more rooms with a view available, so they wound up on the lower floor without a balcony, and with a great view of the dumpster. They left a few things in the room and headed out immediately to set up their spy tent.

"Got everything we need?" Gustavo whispered. "And why am I whispering?"

"I think so...binoculars, check...tent, check...pillows, check...sleeping bags, check...canteens, check...snacks, check...," she called off. She slung her bag over Gustavo's shoulder, nearly collapsing him to the ground.

"Ahhh! Kelly! Kelly! **What on earth do you have in here!"** He frantically tried to balance himself with the bag still weighing heavily on his other shoulder.

"I just went through all that!" she said. "Did you **not** hear me?"

"I thought we were going to be _sharing_ the burden!" he snapped.

"We are. Look, I have the listening devices, cell phones, and other cool techy gadgets."

Gustavo huffed, staggering out the door behind her, bouncing off of the walls as he went.

"Look, a cart!" she said, when they reached the lobby.

"And...no one will notice us rolling it about in the woods! Really?"

Kelly dove behind a potted tree, yanking Gustavo with her. The bags knocked down a nearby vase, crumbling it to the carpet. No one seemed to notice the muffled sound came from in the bustling lobby. They kicked the pieces under a nearby sofa and ducked out of view. Kelly slid the cart out a side door and helped Gustavo fling the bags aboard. They quickly rolled away and disappeared into the thick of the trees.

xxx

Hawk and Rebecca also checked in. They occupied the only suite available in the lodge, and were already enjoying their second glass of wine. "This will be the sweetest revenge _**ever," **_he purred.

She smiled. "I never knew camping could be so much fun," she said, propping her feet up on an ottoman. She relaxed deeper into the comfort of her chair.

"What will be the most satisfying, is the expressions on their faces when we ultimately execute our plans," he snickered. She smiled at him. He opened his mouth wide and threw back his head to release his signature 'caw'.

She raised a hand to silence him. _"Pleeease,"_ she whispered, "not here!"

He pouted at her._"Caw,"_ he mouthed, silently...

xxx

**Thanks for reading! I will have the next part up shortly, so let me know how it's going so far.**

**Crumpet**


	2. Part II: Bees, Deer, And Bears, Oh My!

Part II: Bees, Deer, and Bears, Oh My!

The boys were at the lake with their lures in place, hoping to catch lunch. Kendall stood at the edge of a rock with his rod, and cast his line. James was more concerned about 'looking the part' of an avid fisherman, and attached the many gadgets that Mrs. Knight gave him to his vest pockets. Carlos and Logan were trying to inflate the boat via mouth, since the hand pump had been left back home.

Kendall remained silent while he waited for a nibble, however difficult, as he listened to the exaggerated huffing and puffing taking place by the slowly expanding raft. James began to whistle like a deranged smurf, and Kendall stared at the back of his shiny hair with a glower.

Just as he thought he felt a slight tug, the two boys attempted to board the ever-shifting boat. He ignored the splashing and grunting with each missed attempt.

"Hey, Kendall!" Carlos called, "I still say that you could catch more fish from out here!" The boat began to float away, and crept toward Kendall's line.

"Shhhh," he hissed back.

**"WHAT?"** Carlos yelled.

"You're scaring them away!" Kendall whisper-yelled, placing a finger to his lips.

James took his place beside Kendall and tilted his designer fisherman's hat back on his head. He shot his partner a cheesecake smile and wound up his arm to cast his lure. The inflatable boat spun out of control with the next ripple, and wandered dangerously close to where the line was headed. Kendall just opened his mouth to warn him when James snapped his arm forward, sending out an arc of fishing line.

Carlos stood and widened his stance to balance the boat, rod in hand. Logan was already fishing when the line in Kendall's hand began to vibrate. Unfortunately, James' lure never made it to the water's surface. Instead, it bit into the side of the boat, releasing a loud hiss of air.

**"James!"** Logan scolded, **"You snagged our boat!"**

"Oops," James said.

**"Noooooo,"** Carlos cried, **"Not Floatie!"** The boat began to dart back and forth, making obscene noises as it went.

Logan dropped his rod, causing Kendall's fish to mysteriously stop 'biting', and clung to the side of the boat. Carlos was still pounding his chest in frustration, desperately trying to plug the hole with his palm. Another ripple sent the boat on its way back to land. The boys jumped to safety without getting wet, but the nearly deflated boat had other plans. It began to sail away.

**"No! Don't leave! We can patch you!"** Carlos pleaded. "**I love that boat! We've had good times together!"** James looked guilty. Logan looked shell-shocked. Carlos pouted and Kendall sighed.

**"Oh, all right!"** Kendall said. He wedged his rod between the rocks, and dove in after the misshapen lump of canvas. He flailed a bit in surprise when the cold water hit his bare skin. _The things he did for friendship_. He towed the sodden boat back to dry land, and hefted it at Carlos' feet. He shook the water from his bangs like a wet puppy and planted his hands firmly on his hips.

"There! I saved the day!" he said. "Happy now?" He tried to ignore how uncomfortable his wet clinging clothes were. He realized that he didn't even have a towel. However, his reward for the good deed was to see Carlos throw himself on top of the sad boat and hug it dearly.

"Oh, Floatie!" he cried.

Meanwhile, James was frantically doing his best to outrun a bumblebee that found him quite irresistible. "It thinks I'm a flower!" he cried as he flew by, arms spinning wildly.

"Don't run!" Logan warned. "Just act casual!"

The response was a high-pitched shriek of despair. The boys exchanged glances and shrugged. Moments later, James returned looking rather pleased with himself.

"I lost her!" he announced proudly, smoothing down his cap of hair, eyes saucer-like as they darted to and fro, looking for any sign of the insect.

"How do you know that the bee is a she?" Carlos asked, his cherubic face inquisitive.

James twirled on him. He arched one perfectly-shaped eyebrow. They all waited for an answer. "She wants to... _pollinate _me," he said in a sexy whisper, as if that cleared up any doubts that they might have.

"Oh," Carlos said, naïvely accepting his reasoning.

"I believe that the males-"

"Logan!" Kendall reprimanded. He did not want to set James off when he was just about to resume catching lunch. Logan stopped talking. "Okay then! Let's catch some fish!" Kendall said, picking his rod back up.

xxx

An hour later, Kendall had given up on all hope of catching a fish. He hadn't had a single bite, and instead of fishing, Carlos was trying to patch the boat with a repair kit. James was busy toying with his many gadgets and singing, _Tracks Of My Tears. _ Logan was glancing through _A Guide To The Specimen Of Botanical Wonders. _Where had he pulled_ that_ from?

"I see, that _I_ am the only one interested in bringing home the bacon here," Kendall said sarcastically.

"Wouldn't that technically be bringing home the fish?" Logan asked.

"**Whatever!"** Kendall snapped. "The point is, there will be no lunch today!"

"I don't want there to be 'no lunch today'," James pouted. "I'm hungry."

"Well, Logan is reading! Yes, _reading!_ Carlos is giving mouth to mouth resuscitation to an...to an..._inflatable! _And you're doing...God knows _what _over there!"

"I'm filing my nails for your information, with my new diamond dust file that I found on my gadget ring...hey! _Diamond _ dust! Get it?" James giggled at the pun. Kendall rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"Guys! Let's just head back and find something to eat in our coolers! I'm getting sunburned anyway!" Kendall said, studying his rosy shoulders.

"Kendalllll..." Logan said, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he wagged a finger at him. "Didn't your mom give you that liquid-lead, titanium shield, 100+ sunscreen, to bring along?"

"Yeeeeees." Kendall blushed. "But...I _may have _forgotten to actually _apply _it," he mumbled under his breath.

"What, was that?" James asked. "We can't hear you," he said in a sing-song voice.

Kendall scoffed at him. "I said...I FORGOT TO PUT IT ON! And now my back really hurts...and-"

"So, Mr. Perfect has forgotten to be perfect? _Annnnnd _you lied to your mom when you promised to use it?" James continued singing.

"Okay!_ Okay!_ I screwed up! But if I have to wear that suit of armor then you guys have to wear it! I promised her _that _too!" They all groaned.

"Well, only _you _should have to wear the armor Kendall, after all you are a Knight." Carlos laughed at his own joke.

"Lame!" Logan shouted, smacking him on the back of the head. Carlos promptly smacked him back.

Kendall smirked and walked ahead of the others, back toward the campsite.

Logan looked around curiously. "Odd. You'd think we'd see at least _one_ other person out here at this time of year."

"Well let's go eat, then do some exploring and find out where everybody is!" Carlos said excitedly. Logan nodded.

_"Eat_ what?" asked a grumpy James behind them. "We didn't catch a single fish, and we definitely can not use my American Express to buy dinner out here!"

"I guess it's granola bars and -" Logan began, before he was interrupted by a sudden shriek. James raced past them, swinging his arms like propellers.

"What is it James!" Carlos cried.

"She's_ baaaaaack!_" James screeched.

"Or, he!" Carlos snickered. Logan laughed as well. Until, that is... they heard another scream and some dramatic wailing from the nearby bushes.

They raced to find the source. Kendall leaped over logs to catch up. There, they found James curled up in a ball and holding his hand.

"James?" Carlos asked. "Are you okay?" He knelt beside him.

"She_ stung_ meeeee!" he wailed harder. He showed them the red swollen lump that almost seemed to pulsate. "H-Hurtssss!"

Logan rushed over. "You're not allergic, right?"

"I d-don't think sooooo!" he cried. Logan tried not to look too disappointed that he wouldn't have to use the nifty little pen in his new first-aid kit.

"Okay, let's get you back and get that stinger out. It's okay James," Logan soothed.

James cradled his throbbing hand and allowed Logan to guide him, while he sniffled all the way back to the camp.

xxx

They returned to find the entire area strewn with the remnants of their snacks and belongings. It resembled a war zone. They gasped.

"Well, that's just fantastic, isn't it!" Kendall said sarcastically.

"Whoah! What kind of wild animal could do this kind of damage!" exclaimed Carlos.

Logan's mouth pursed into a tiny bow. "Gee, I don't know Carlos! Let's see! It's the woods..." he paused as if deep in thought.** "Perhaps a bear!"** he shouted.

Carlos flinched. "Bears!" he squealed. "Oh, my!"

"Nice one!" Logan scoffed. Carlos looked puzzled.

"Let's check the damages," Kendall said. He leaned over and picked up an unidentifiable object. He tossed it aside. "Let's see...one half-eaten doughnut...one mangled sandwich...a pulverized granola bar...and part of an apple!" he listed off. "Oh, and look! A pair of James' shredded Calvin Klein boxers!"

"Ahhhh!" James cried in horror.

"Hey, how do you know that they're James'? We all wear that kind," Carlos said. The only answer was the sound of crickets. "Never mind, I don't want to know the answer," Carlos said.

"I'm hungry! And my hand_ huuuurts!"_ James added.

"Funny, I didn't take you for the whiny type," Kendall said.

"Well, I'm having a** bad** day I'll remind you! I was stung by a bee, our campsite ransacked by bears, there's nothing to eat, my undergarments were violated, my hair is limp and lifeless from the humidity! And did I mention... I WAS STUNG BY A BEE?!" He was obviously feeling quite sorry for himself now.

"Yeah. Let's get that stinger out, buddy," Logan said. He dug in his backpack and retrieved the first-aid kit that Mrs. Knight had given him. He could barely contain his excitement. He only wiped the gleeful smile from his face when he found James eyeing him. He pulled out the tweezers, antiseptic, ointment and bandages.

"Is this going to hurt, much?" James asked suspiciously, taking visual inventory of the items.

Logan shook his head and lifted a brow. "Nawwww," he said, not giving him any eye contact. Technically, it was true. It was going to hurt _very much._ He busied himself with removing the stinger while James writhed on the ground, forcing Logan to sit on top of him and anchor his chest between his legs.

_"OWWWWWWW!"_ James screamed. "You said that it wouldn't hurt much!"

Logan broke into a devilish grin and held the tweezers up high to display the stinger grasped between them.** "VOILA!"** he cried, laughing maniacally as he eyed the length of it.

"_That_ was in my hand?" James whimpered. His eyes rolled back in his head and he fell to the ground with a thud.

"James is taking a nap," Logan announced.

"That's sounds really good now," said Kendall yawning. "Besides, I don't feel so well." He turned around and picked up a dry shirt to replace the damp one he still wore. He yanked the wet one off and tossed it on a tree branch to dry. Carlos and Logan mini-screamed, startling him.

"_What?"_

They had seen the fiery red sunburn on the back of his body. "Are you feeling a bit..._warm, _Kendall ?" Carlos asked.

Kendall thought about the question. "Well yee-es, now that you mention it."

Logan nodded. "Well, that's to be expected! You are roasted!"

Kendall sighed. "It's really bad, isn't it?"

"YEP!" they chorused.

Logan dug around in the first aid kit."Here! I have a topical spray that should help cool it down and ease the pain, which is sure to come."

Kendall peeled off the uncomfortable 'suctioning' shorts, and turned around to face Logan with his spray already in hand. Carlos walked up and studied the front of Kendall's chest. He craned his neck around Kendall to see Logan.

"He's even burn-AHHHHHHHHHHHH! My eyes!" he cried, when the mist went directly into them.

"Geez! Carlos, I'm sorry!" Logan yelled, in a major panic. "Can you see at all?"

Carlos began to stomp around in circles, melting down to the ground where he twisted in pain. "I don't know! I can't even open my eyes to find out!"

James came to, wondering what on earth was going on. "What's going on?"

"Oh nuthin' much," Kendall said nonchalantly, "You have been passed out this whole time, I found out that I may have sun poisoning, and Logan just blinded Carlos with Benzocaine!"

"Sorry I asked," James said, rubbing the place on his head where he had landed moments before.

xxx

The day was rapidly drawing to a close, and dusk was soon approaching. The mosquitoes were certain to become a nuisance.

"Where is that repellent?" Carlos asked, pulling everything out of the bags that hadn't been taken by bears.

"_Please_ tell me you brought it," Logan said.

"I thought I did..." Carlos' voice sounded muffled, his face far into the mound of clothes.

"Why do you have so many clothes?" Kendall asked. "It's a two-day camping trip."

"These aren't all mine, they're James'."

"But, James has his own bag," Logan reminded him. He looked over at James, who quickly looked away and became interested in a nearby weed.

"He said he didn't have enough room in his bag. That must be when I took some things out to make more space, and left the stuff by the door...with the-"

"SPRAY!" they all finished.

"We'll need to start a fire to chase some of the insects away," Kendall muttered. He dreaded the thought of getting too close to the heat of a fire. He already felt like an inferno was raging inside of him.

"You look just like a lobster!" Carlos reminded him for the third time. "So, I guess I'll go collect some firewood."

"Thanks for reminding me _**again,**_ and I would truly appreciate that."

Carlos turned to James. "You look better now, do you want to come with?"

Logan was still looking at him as if it were his fault that the spray was left behind, so he complied. "Sure, let's go."

They headed out and stumbled upon an area with some loose logs and branches. "Ooooh, these will do nicely," James said.

Carlos filled his arms with wood. He jumped and dropped them, when he looked around James and saw a scary creature, staring back at him.

"What is it, Carlos?" James whispered, afraid to turn around and find out for himself. Carlos was speechless. James slowly stood, and turned around to see a deer observing him. He exhaled in relief.

"That's just a deer, Carlos. Haven't you seen plenty in Minnesota and at Camp Wonkey-Donkey?"

"Not like that one. It's eyes were glowing red! And it looked like it was about to jump on your back!"

"Maybe, she just likes me!" James grinned.

"How do you know it's a she?" Carlos asked.

xxx

They returned with the wood. Logan had finally sprayed Kendall's burn, and they managed to tidy up the campsite. However, the mosquitoes were becoming vicious and it wasn't even dusk yet.

James slapped away the swarming insects, humming back at them in annoyance. They only seemed more intrigued by his humming and swarmed him all the more.

"Who wants to make the fire?" Kendall asked, knowing it could absolutely _not_ be him. He would simply disintegrate. He wondered if it was possible for spontaneous combustion to occur from having a sunburn.

"I can," offered Carlos.

"I'll help," said Logan. He sat down first and began rubbing the two sticks together.

James became preoccupied with studying himself in the mirror. He had a particularly large and rather unattractive mosquito bite on the tip of his nose. The sun reflected off of the mirror's surface, and shone directly on the firewood that Logan and Carlos arranged. It heated a spot quickly while Logan uselessly rubbed the sticks together. Carlos had just joined him when the untouched wood began to smoke. It sparked, then ignited. Their eyes grew wide.

"Wow! Logan, how did you do that?" Carlos exclaimed, gazing at him as if he were magical.

"I have no idea!" Logan admitted, but took the credit anyway.

James moved the mirror to get a better view of the side of his imperfect nose. The sunbeam had moved from the firewood to the tent. It began to heat up the nylon surface. It smoked, then sizzled. Within moments, the circle of light caught flame and burned for a moment, leaving a gaping smoldering hole behind.

The boys didn't notice the security breach in the wall of the tent, but many happy insects did.

xxx

Nightfall came quickly. Mrs. Knight perched at the window of their room, waiting for the glowing symbol to appear in the darkness. It never did. "Why isn't it glowing!" she raged. "I tested the paint and it worked then!"

"Mom, I'm sure they're fine. Besides, that movie comes on pretty soon, about those people who were chased through the woods by a-never mind," she said when she saw the look in her mother's eyes. "We're going to go look for them now, aren't we?" Mrs. Knight nodded.

On the other side of the lodge, Hawk and Rebecca were planning on doing some locating, themselves. They had a covered cage in the corner of the room, and were completely dressed in black. They had to find those boys soon if their plans were going to succeed. They headed into the darkness and slipped quietly between the trees.

Gustavo and Kelly had already covered a large part of the campground. "How far can they possibly be?" he asked irritably.

"I don't know, but these mosquitoes are eating us alive!" Kelly said. She pulled the repellent out of her bag and sprayed a cloud of it, giving them instant relief.

"Okay, we just have to keep going then I guess," he said.

"Shhhhh. Listen! Did you hear that?" she asked. She scanned the area with her infrared lenses. "It sounded like the boys, but I don't see anything."

On the other side of the trees, were four boys who were definitely being eaten alive by mosquitoes, even with the campfire burning.

_"AHHHHHHH!_ HELP!" they screamed. The relentless bugs continued to gather.

"Man! It really, _really_ hurts when they bite a sunburn!" Kendall whimpered, afraid to scratch the tender skin.

Kelly and Gustavo thought they heard them talking. They waited and listened. It was silent.

The boys had sought refuge in the tent. Relief flooded over them when they sat inside. Carlos slapped his helmet on his head and zipped the tent securely.

Logan placed the lantern in the center of the floor for light, and James arranged the sleeping bags and pillows.

"What about the fire?" Logan asked. "We didn't snuff it out. That could be very dangerous," he warned.

"So could bears and other nocturnal animals," murmured James, peering through the tent window at the deer peeking back at them through the trees. Her eyes reflected red. Maybe she _was_ dangerous, he thought nervously.

Kendall was struggling to fight off chills that his sunburn was causing. His teeth chattered violently in the coolness of the night air. "S-So is-is the d-deadly m-mosquito popula-tion, d-dangerous." He shook with each word.

Once in their designated bags, Logan switched off the lantern. They all sighed and snuggled down for the night. It had certainly been a long day. The fresh air, sunshine and exercise, not to mention abundance of excitement, had completely exhausted them.

"Now, this is what it's all about, bros," Kendall said, 'knuckling' each brother. "Owww. Stupid sunburn."

"That's right," Logan agreed.

"Mmmmmm," Carlos murmured contentedly, settling deeper into his bag.

"G' Night," James said.

"G' Night..." the others chorused.

All was calm. There was only the crackling of fire, the rusting of leaves, the chirping of crickets...and-

_ZZZZZZZZZ...ZZZZZZZZ...ZZZZZZZZ..._

"WHAT THE-YEOWWWWW!"

"AHHHHHH!"

**"OH MY GOD!"**

**"HELP ME!"**

A never-ending stream of mosquitoes began their convoy through the opening in the tent, and barnstormed the boys. Logan fumbled for the lantern. He clicked it on to view an onslaught of the enemy. The lantern illuminated the inside of the tent, casting silhouettes of the boys. The deer watched from where she stood, chewing on some berries. The silhouettes went spinning around crazily.

James batted at his hair, shrieking as he wen,t while Kendall flapped his arms and snapped his head up and down, hair flopping violently. The two eventually thumped chests, sending themselves reeling separate ways and spiraling to the ground, moaning.

Logan completely zipped himself up in his mummy bag, and hopped around squeaking. Carlos plunged his helmeted head straight into the doorway of the tent, forgetting it was closed, and knocked himself soundly to the floor.

"**_BUGS! LOTS AND LOTS OF BUGS!"_ **Kendall screamed, stating the obvious.

The owl in a nearby tree flew away. A raccoon hid. The bears kept their distance. The deer bolted. The mosquitoes stayed.

xxx

**Thanks for reading! ^_^**


	3. Part III: Are We Having Fun Yet?

**A/N: Hey there happy campers! I know that this story is goofy, but I couldn't help but think about how goofy an actual episode is when I wrote it! (: Thanks to winterschild11, Psycho With a Capital S, and 1234irreck for reviewing my little story!**

**PART III: Are We Having Fun Yet?**

The first night had been miserable. They were covered head to toe in bites, and the bags under their eyes were a clear sign of a sleepless night.

"Ow...I think I have a heat rash under here, from bundling up in this sleeping bag all night," Logan complained.

"Well, it was either that or be eaten alive!" James mused. "My _face_ still itches though," he added, rubbing it against the rough edge of Kendall's bag. Kendall slapped at him, and decided not to tell him just how bad he looked.

Now that it was daylight, the mosquitoes had finally quieted down, and they began to shake themselves free of the bags. Even though it was early it was already hot, and they couldn't wait a moment longer to shed them.

Three of them breathed a sigh of relief when the heavy layer pooled at their ankles. "Logan, why aren't you out of yours, and do you smell something burning?" Carlos asked, wrinkling his bunny-like nose.

"Yeah...I do," said James, listening to the slight crackling of the still glowing embers.

"It's probably just me," Kendall said with a pout. He blew at his scarlet arms. He felt as if he had slow-cooked in an oven bag all night. He swore to himself that he would _never_ disobey his mother again. In fact, he would drop to his knees at her feet and praise her for the uncanny ability to always know what was best for him. He would promise to slather on as much of the liquid, lead shield, that she deemed necessary.

His eyes watered at the thought of his mom and home. "I have _blisters _now!" he cried. "I've _never_ had _blisters!_" His bright green eyes threatened to spill over.

"Let me see that," Logan said with curiosity. He hopped over in his mummy bag to take a look. "Ooooh yeah, that looks bad."

"Loooo-gaaan!" Kendall wailed.

"Well, I have some ointment for it in my fist-aid kit, but as you can clearly see...I have no free hands to get it!"

"Why not? Take that thing off!" Kendall yelled. " At least the hood!" he said, pulling it off of Logan's matted-down hair.

"BUT, I'M STUCK!"

"Take it easy there, buddy!" Carlos said. "Here, let me..." He tugged at the zipper repeatedly, but to no avail.

"Let me try," offered James. He yanked, but it didn't budge. Logan began to panic.

_"Guys!_ G-Get me outta' h-here!" he sputtered.

"We're trying! We're trying!" Kendall said, momentarily forgetting about the sunburn and only focusing on the task at hand.

"HURRY! I NEED OUT,_ NOW!_" He sounded really desperate.

They were all talking at once. "I think I almost got it..." said James.

"Almost..." said Carlos.

**"GUYS! I MEAN IT!"** Logan shouted, hopping up and down erratically. Suddenly he was still, and his expression changed. They stared at him. He looked like he was experiencing some sense of relief.

"Logan? Are you okay?" Kendall asked.

**"NO!** I told you to hurry!" he squeaked.

"Here-"

Then, he grimaced. "No! **_TOO LATE!_**" He frantically hopped off toward the trees.

"Where are you going?" James asked. "There could be bears in there!"

"Or, deer!" Carlos added.

"Wait, Logan!" James called, "I think I can just break it!"

"**Never mind!"** he yelled in a shrill voice.

They chased after him, and Carlos tackled him down to the ground.

**_"Are you crazy?_ _What are you doing?_"** Logan cried in exasperation. He spit out a mouthful of leaves.

Carlos shrugged and James leaned over, violently snapped the zipper, and begin to tug down the sleeping bag.

"Boy, you're _really _sweaty from this thing!" James exclaimed. He wiped his wet palms on the front of his pajama shorts.

Logan's eyes were huge when James peeled the bag off completely, and slowly looked him over.

"Logan...this_ is_ sweat_._._.isn't it?_" James asked.

Logan looked guilty, then blushed "Uhhh..**.I _said_ it was too late!"**

James shrieked, and ran to wash his hands in the river. Kendall stared wide-eyed after James, and Carlos giggled.

"Ha! You owe me ten bucks!" Carlos sang, holding out his palm to Kendall.

Kendall sighed and pulled out his wallet. "Well...then...what should we do about breakfast?" he asked.

xxx

They had worked up an appetite after washing all the things in the river. They were all impressed when Kendall rounded up some jerky and fruit for breakfast, but Carlos wanted something more substantial to eat.

"I brought some corned beef hash in a can!" he announced.

"_Really?_ And just when did you plan on telling us about it?" Kendall asked.

"Right now!" he said cheerfully. He rummaged through his bag and pulled out two cans of hash. "I also have tea and coffee!" He showed them the teabags and a tin of instant coffee.

"Cool!" James said, breaking into his first genuine smile of the day. "I need it. I didn't get much sleep you know." They knew that he meant _beauty sleep,_ so they didn't bother to mention that they hadn't had any either.

"Logan, you can get the fire going again since you're amazing at that, and Carlos and I can get some water to boil for the coffee. James, do you want to collect the firewood this time?"

"Sure." They split up and went their separate ways.

Kendall and Carlos stood at the river, and pulled out their canteens. They leaned over to dip them in, but Carlos cried, "Shoot!"

"What?"

"Helmet fell in when I leaned over!"

"Why don't you ever strap that thing on? Better yet, why are you wearing it in the first place? It's hot!" Kendall scolded. He stopped when he saw the distraught look on his friend's face. They watched the helmet swirl about, butting up against a ledge of rocks repeatedly, then finally begin to drift.

"NOOO!" Carlos cried, trying to snag it with a stick he had found.

Without hesitation, Kendall dove in and pulled the helmet under his arm like a football, paddling back to shore. Suddenly, his foot caught on something, and the river swallowed him back under.

"Kendallllll!" Carlos cried.

Kendall resurfaced, and gulped in a mouthful of air before vanishing once more. Now Carlos was really worried. Kendall was a strong swimmer, but it seemed like he was struggling. Carlos found a longer thicker branch, and held it out in the direction he'd last seen him.

_"Kendallll!"_

Kendall popped up again and gasped. He bobbed about, as the water spun around him in an eddy. It was taking all of his strength just to stay afloat. He found the branch extended toward him, and latched on. Carlos dug his heels into the ground, and pulled with all of his might. Kendall was out of the undertow, but getting weaker by the second.

Carlos sat back, firmly wedged between two boulders, and pulled harder. Kendall finally broke free, and swam the rest of the way back, never once letting go of the helmet. He crawled, utterly exhausted, on the ground and panted, still coughing up water.

"Oh, thank God you're okay! I love you!" Carlos cried.

Kendall opened his eyes. "Aw...really Carlos, you don't have-" His speech was interrupted by the sound of a loud smooch that Carlos was giving to Helmet. His smile fell away, and his jaw dropped.

"I love _you,_ too!" Carlos said, giving Kendall the second loud smooch right on his soggy cheek.

"Great," Kendall mumbled.

Back at the campsite, they found an extremely frustrated Logan with two sticks and no fire. "That's odd...worked before..." he muttered to himself, forehead furrowed in concentration.

"But, it was already glowing when we left," Kendall commented. "Now, there isn't even a spark!"

"I KNOW! I KNOW!" Logan snapped. "I think I smothered it...or something." He looked away. Carlos pulled a lighter wand from his bag, and lit the dry wood with ease.

"How much stuff do you have in there, that we don't even know about?!" Kendall asked in a high voice.

Carlos just shrugged. "I think that's everything." He pulled out a small cast iron skillet and a pot, further shocking them. "For the hash and coffee!"

They nodded, stupefied. "Of course," they said in unison.

Kendall stripped off the wet plaid shirt and boxers, and hung them on the makeshift clothesline of rope. He sighed, as he watched the clothing blow gently in the breeze. He hoped that was the end of wet garments, because he was running out of things to wear. Besides, he really missed wearing his beanie at night. The humidity made everything feel damp any-wait!_ Breeze?_

"Ahhh!" Kendall leaned back in his camping chair, and enjoyed the sudden coolness that was ruffling through his hair. However, the moment was ruined when he hissed as the tender blisters rubbed up against the coarse canvas.

"I can put that ointment on for you," Logan said, noticing his discomfort. "I'm...um...free now," he said, waving his hands about.

"Okay," Kendall said.

Logan returned with the first-aid kit. "Boy, I'm really putting this kit to good use" he commented. Kendall squeezed his eyes shut when Logan approached him with a dollop of ointment.

"Eeeeee!" he screamed, startling Logan, who in turn screamed with him.

"Geez, Kendall! I hope that future patients aren't like you! Way to give a guy some confidence!"

"You're in a band now, _remember?"_ Kendall asked. Logan dabbed the ointment on without warning.

" Hey! That **_hurts! Warn me next time, at_ least!"**

There was a rustling sound in the nearby bushes. "Shhhh," Logan said, watching the bushes with wide eyes.

"Wh-What was that?" asked Carlos. They waited. The rustling began again. Carlos jumped into James' arms, and Logan flung himself into Kendall's.

**_"OWWWWW!"_ **Kendall cried, when Logan gripped his over-sensitized skin. He dropped Logan down with a thud, where he promptly landed in a nearby camping chair. It folded up on him like an umbrella, collapsing and trapping him.

The deer leaped by and disappeared into the trees, but Kendall could have sworn that he also saw a set of human eyeballs, watching as well.

"Can't bre-eea-th!" Logan squeaked.

James released Carlos and ran toward the talking chair. He wrestled with it, trying to unfold it. Logan squeaked louder each time he pulled.

"Why-are-you-always-stuck-in-things!" James scolded, between tugs.

"Oh-I-don't-know..." Logan answered, between muffled huffs, "I-guess-I-just-like-a-challenge!" With a final tug, Logan came tumbling out of the chair, and face-planted into the dirt.

"Are you okay, Logan?" Kendall asked.

"Never been better," he mumbled, scrubbing at his dirty face.

"I think we all need a good bath!" James randomly chimed in a sing-song voice.

"Oh, is there like an abandoned jet-tub around here that I don't know about, or somethin'?" Kendall asked sarcastically. "Or maybe Carlos has one in his Mary Poppins bag?" He was undeniably cranky now, and he really wanted that nap.

"Yes, there is one," James said cheerfully, "and it's called, **_the river!" _** He whistled, as he gathered up a razor, a bottle of shower gel, a loofah, and an over-sized towel.

"I'll pass," muttered Kendall. "I already went for a dunk this morning when I had to retrieve Carlos' helmet."

Carlos thrust out his lower lip in an exaggerated pout. "And here I thought that you did it because you love me," he whined.

"I do, Carlos! But, you told Helmet that you loved him first, when that river monster finally spit us both back out!"

"So, anyone coming with me, or not?" James interrupted. He sniffed the open bottle of shower gel deeply, and with great appreciation."I have tropical sunrise shower gel with aloe and shimmer beads, here!"

"I guess that I could use a bath..." Logan said, rounding up his clothes and towel to follow.

"I bet you could!" Carlos said with a chuckle. Logan glared at him, erasing the impish grin from Carlos' cherubic face.

"Last _cha-ance!_" James sang.

**"No!"** the other two chorused.

Kendall leaned back once more, and put his feet up on Logan's now vacated chair. He became mesmerized with the flapping clothes and the serenity of the woods, easing his stress. His eyes drooped.

**"**_**Uh-Uhh-Uh-Uhhhhh-uhhhhhhhhh..." **_The sound of a Tarzan whoop, spliced through the peace and quiet.

**"CARLOS! _What are you doing?" _**Kendall asked with horror. Carlos swung by on a vine. Birds squawked and flew away. Kendall's stress returned.

_"**Wheeeeeeeee!"**_

xxx

The boys were ready for the first true hiking adventure of the trip. Kendall hoped to find a nice quiet place to sit and think, away from the heat of the fire, away from the river that he had grown far too familiar with, and away from the others, especially Tarzan.

James wanted to find a nice trail to jog, get some exercise for his pampered muscles, and listen to his i-pod.

Logan was eager to collect botanical specimen in his vials, and maybe a few unusual insects. It was best if they came to fear him, rather than the other way around.

Carlos just wanted to explore, explore, explore! With that, they all agreed to go their separate ways for two hours, then meet for lunch.

"I have my compass," Kendall said.

"I have the map," James said.

"I have my binoculars and the directions that we wrote down, plus some cracker crumbs," Carlos added.

"Cracker crumbs?" Logan echoed, with a shake of his head. He must have heard wrong.

"Do you have a plan to, um not get lost?" Kendall asked him.

"Yeah," Logan said with a smirk, tapping his head. "It's called common sense." He shifted the backpack full of vials, tweezers, and other scientific paraphernalia more comfortably on his shoulders, and started to walk away. "See you guys in about two hours!" he called back.

"Okay guys, be careful," Kendall warned, as he turned away.

"Got sunscreen on?" James asked with a devious smile.

"You _bet _I do!" Kendall called.

"See ya' James!" Carlos shouted, spinning around and peering through the binoculars, as he nailed the irate James in the face.

**"Do you mind?"** James shrieked, and rubbed his perfect features dramatically, assessing for damage.

"Uh...sorry!" Carlos apologized with a radiant, forced smile. "See ya'." He ran off.

James sighed, and tied a pristine white bandana around his forehead. He placed the ear-buds of his i-pod into the shells of his ears, and cranked up _Windows down._ He smiled to himself and broke into a nice easy jaunt. He would tighten up his glorious muscles, and release some pent-up tension while he was at it.

Moments later, he became distracted by a low-flying bird who seemed determined to land on his head for some reason. He batted at it fervently. In the process, he tripped over a log and tumbled to the ground in a blubbering heap. He felt a stabbing pain shoot through his ankle, and he writhed around while the bird sat nearby, eying him curiously.

Kendall however, had found the ideal spot. He was atop a hill, overlooking a wide-spread area of forest. He could probably see other campers from here, he thought. He smiled to himself. The breeze felt so good on his heated skin. He pulled his camera from his pocket and panned the view.

What he saw next, petrified him. Right there in the box of his view-finder, was a sign. A sign that clearly read: DANGER! NO CAMPERS ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT! ENTER AT YOU OWN RISK! Next to the sign was a family of hungry-looking bears, forging through the foliage. The camera angle tilted wildly, blurring the words, and then went dark.

Logan was skipping along happily in his vest and baseball cap. He couldn't wait to take home new specimen to research. He gently pulled back a leaf, plucked a small worm-like insect from it with his tweezers, and dropped it into a vial. He screwed the mesh lid on tightly and smiled to himself. He skipped on.

He added samples of various plants to his collection, as well as some berries that he had never seen before. He came upon a hollowed out tree trunk and looked inside, hoping to discover something interesting. He saw something wiggle and snaked his tweezers inside. He gripped the wiggling thing between the tips.

"Gotcha'!_ Owwwwwwwwww! **Owwwwww!**** Owww!"**_ he cried more softly with each new 'ow'. Something had a hold of his finger, and it hurt so bad! His eyes rolled back into his head, and hit the ground with the clenched mandibles still attached to his throbbing fingertip.

Carlos was exploring. He bounced on his heels, stopping every couple of minutes to see the world through his magnifying lenses. He munched happily on a handful of Fruit Smackers, and hummed a Disney tune. He was trying to decide whether the tune was actually from _Cinderella, _or from _Snow White, _when a deer suddenly charged at him.

A strangled cry escaped his throat, and he decided at that moment, it had to be the same deer who had fallen in love with James. She or he..._did it even have antlers?._..must think that he was keeping James away-**_Bam! _**

"**_Papi!" _**he cried into the woods, wondering for a split-second, whether or not a sound made in the woods without someone to hear it, actually made a sound at all...

The last thing Carlos saw, was a vivid blue sky with some rather menacing-looking clouds rolling along with it.

**Aren't I a horrible, horrible person? Don't worry though...it gets worse! (: Thanks for reading this crazy nonsense that randomly resides in my head!**

**Sincerely, **

**Crumpet**


	4. Part IV: The Land Of Oz

**Hello campers! Are you still with me? Here is some more insanity...**

**Part IV: The Land Of OZ**

James knew that he must have sprained his ankle badly, when he couldn't put a single ounce of weight on it.

"Go away!" he yelled at the bird. It tilted its head sideways and opened its beak, as if to speak. He hoped to God that it couldn't speak. "You're freakin' me out, here!" James bellowed. It flew away.

He hobbled over to a large rock and sat down. He pouted, feeling quite sorry for himself. How on earth was he going to make it all the way back to camp? What was Gustavo going to say on Monday, when he found out that he couldn't even dance?

Carlos was rubbing the large purple, egg-shaped knot on his forehead while wincing. It was the spot where the binoculars made contact just before he passed out. He moved just in the nick of time to avoid a full-out trampling, but apparently the deer managed to give him a good clip, causing the binoculars to fly up and hit him in the forehead.

It still hurt as much as an antler would, thought Carlos. _Did the deer even have antlers?_ He still wasn't sure. It was a good thing that he was wearing his helmet though, even if he had left the straps undone and lost it upon impact. It still did him _some_ good when he landed. He picked up the magnificent binoculars, now with shattered lenses, and looked through them. It was like looking through a kaleidoscope.

"Rats!"

The lump was beginning to pulsate, and he felt a wave of nausea . Not cool, he thought. What if he passed out, and no one knew where he was until he was just a pile of Carlos-sized bones? He stood carefully, but thought better of it when the earth began to spin rapidly.

Logan was breathing heavily. The pain in his finger had traveled up to his wrist, and all the way to his shoulder. It ached and burned like fire. What on earth had feasted on his finger? He decided to take a look at the damage, and saw that it was red and puffy.

He panted with pain when he tried to move. Tears filled his eyes._ What if he was never found?_ If he died, would his remains be eaten by wild animals? He shuddered. A sudden hissing noise startled him and he screamed...just before passing out.

Kendall was completely disoriented. The combination of heat and sunburn was getting to him. _Where was he, and why was he looking up at trees?_ He rolled to his hands and knees, with a groan._ Had he fainted? Why?_ He fought to focus, trying to remember what had happened. Everything was fading in and out.

A sudden low growl rumbled from behind him, and he was pretty sure that it wasn't thunder this time! His eyes went wide as saucers as he looked over his shoulder, to find a very large bear looking right back at him. Kendall whimpered and fainted again.

Meanwhile, all those who had followed the boys on their camping trip, moved in closer to their prey. Hawk and Rebecca saw the boys at the campsite when they hid behind a tree. They parked as close as possible to them, with the skunk in its cage and the remote-controlled car.

"Stupid boys!" Hawk said, when he discovered that they were outside the radius of the campground's safe-zone. He laughed maliciously, and set up the skunk and remote-control car. He planned to frighten them into leaving, and make fools of them while he was at it. They would be the laughing-stock of the music industry when everyone heard that they had to abandon camp, because a skunk had taken up residence in their tent! He just wished that it hadn't taken so darn long to find them. Hey, where had they gone now, he wondered.

Mrs. Knight and Katie finally located the tent through the binoculars, identifying it by its bright, neon-orange BTR symbol on top. How had those idiots not noticed the symbol when they pitched it, Katie wondered, shaking her head. They set out to track the trail to the tent.

Gustavo and Kelly were only feet away from the tent, but didn't know it. They were too busy scratching bites, despite the repellent, and were completely exhausted from the hike.

"I don't think it's going to make any difference, now!" said Kelly. "They don't have much longer before they leave anyway!" She huffed and puffed at the large gnats that were circling them.

"Hey, I thought gnats were also called 'no-see-ems'. When I look at _these, _I can definitely see 'em!" She waved her hands about frantically.

"The boys could be dead by now, for all we know! And I don't care if it's almost time to leave! We went through all this trouble to find them, now I'm going to find them! Besides, it's the principle of the thing!" he shouted.

"All right! All right! You don't have to get snippy with _me!_" she snapped, her eye twitching. They began bickering more and more as the weekend progressed, but the search did not.

"Sorry, but when we_** do **_find them...I'm going to make them wish they had never embarked on this journey!"

"Embarked? _Really,_ Gustavo?" Kelly said, tripping over a tree root, and stumbling into him.

xxx

The large bird was back! At least James believed it was the same bird. It chirped happily from a branch overhead, while it watched the sulking boy.

"I hate you!" James cried. "Stop singing! You have no right!"

He stooped over to pick up a small stone, to throw at the bird that seemed to mock him. Was she a mockingbird, he wondered. He drew back his arm to get good aim, and she flew away immediately, before he could follow through. He could almost hear Carlos' voice asking him how he knew that she, was in fact a she.

He decided to give in and take a look at his injured ankle. He gently rolled down the sock and gasped. Not only did it hurt like heck, but it was really ugly too! He hated having ugly body parts! It was puffy and purplish, and it made him break down and cry unashamed. The bird barnstormed his head.

"Not you again!" he wailed, and dropped his head into his hands. The bird landed gracefully, and perched on top of it. That did it! He was going to get back even if he had to crawl there. The sound of distant thunder made him realize that it better be sooner, rather than later.

Carlos was waking up to one zinger of a headache. Even the small amount of light that was filtering through the rather ominous dark clouds, hurt his sensitive eyes. He rummaged through his pockets until he pulled out his sunglasses. They felt like a heavy weight upon his pounding head, but at least he could fully open his eyes now. That is how he happened to see the deer, watching him through the trees.

"NO!" Carlos cried, grimacing at the loud sound of his own voice. **"You can have James, I swear! I** **don't want him anymore!"** He called, defending himself by raising his palms to the deer. _Anymore, _he thought._ Hmmmm...?_

She leaped away. Was she a girl? Well, he wasn't about to stick around and find out. He was going to get back, _somehow_. The wind was picking up and the sky was growing darker.

Logan was trembling, alternating between chills and flashes of heat. His teeth chattered together noisily, waking him from a stupor. He opened his eyes, just in time to see a long shiny thing, slither away and emit a final hiss, as it disappeared into the weeds._ Oh my God! Is that what had bitten him?_

His heart began to race. Was it racing from fear, or from a dose of venom? If a venomous snake had bitten him, than he could have as little as thirty minutes left to live! How long had he already been out? He tried to recall everything that he had ever learned about snakes. He wished it had been more. Which ones were indigenous to California? Which ones were dangerous? What did the dangerous ones look like? Most of all..**.**_**why had he allowed them to talk him into foregoing all modern **__**technology?! **_One particular modern device, as in a cellphone, would really come in handy now!

Well, one thing he knew for sure, was that he wasn't going to allow that reptilian killer, to come back and finish him off! He was going to get back one way or another, and bid a dramatic farewell to his band mates, before succumbing to death. Even if the pending storm did make it twice as difficult...he was going to see his friends one last time...

"**I CAN'T DIE YET!"** he screamed to the sky.

"_**What**_ was that?" Kendall asked aloud. It sounded like Logan's voice to him. He had to quit fainting like this. It was becoming a bit inconvenient, especially when there was a family of bears wanting him for lunch.

He warily searched the area for any sign of the bears, relieved to find none. He made his way back in the direction that he had come, and the way that he thought he heard the scream. Maybe he had just imagined the bears in the first place. He hadn't slept well all weekend, and he did feel a bit paranoid lately. He always felt like someone was watching them. He remembered that he filmed earlier, when he thought he saw the bears. That film could be very telling, but he decided to wait until he got back to the campsite. That's when he heard another rumble of thunder.

He was back on the path and began searching for Logan, when he saw a brown tree trunk move out of the corner of his eye. _Moving tree trunk?_ What little light remained in the sky was suddenly engulfed by that tree trunk's shadow as it moved in closer. An enormous paw appeared in his line of vision when it came toward him. Kendall screamed. It was as if everything was happening in slow motion... The paw raked at him, leaving a trail of shredded clothing behind, and an intense stinging in his flesh.

He continued to scream, but what he now knew was a bear, was not going away. He swooned. This would not be a good time to pass out! His survival instincts kicked in and he found his center of gravity, turned away from the paw that was about to take a second swipe, and ran for his life. Still screaming, he ran straight into Logan who was also screaming. They fell into each others arms, sobbing with relief.

Kendall was still crying in Logan's arms, when he suddenly pulled back. "My God, Kendall! What happened to you?" Logan asked.

"Don't ask!" Kendall said, "Let's just get outta' here! Wait, what happened to _you_?" he asked, noticing the swollen finger and how pale and sweaty his friend was.

"Don't ask! No time to answer! I might not have much time left!" Logan said, beginning to tear up again. Kendall looked perplexed.

Lightning flashed and lit up the sky. They stopped crying long enough to resume screaming, but didn't bother to ask one another why they cried in the first place. They just kept going.

James was using a stick that he had found as a cane, and was becoming quite concerned about the lightning. The hair on the nape of his neck stood on end, and he knew from all he had learned at Camp Wonkey-Donkey, that was not a good sign. He began to serpentine along the pathway, in hopes that he could fool the lightning from finding him. It was not an easy task, with his throbbing ankle._ You will not zap me...you will not zap me...you will not zap me..._

Carlos was already staggering in the same direction, but feeling a tad loopy, and remarkably similar to the time that the dentist had given him laughing gas. He also carried a big stick to ward off dangerous deer.

In no time at all, the two boys collided. Both sounded a zealous war-whoop and raised their sticks, poised for combat. They took several swings at one another, before finally realizing who the other actually was.

Carlos held his thumping chest and leaned over, palms on thighs, panting to get a breath. "My God , James! You scared me to death!"

"Well, I could say the same about you!" James retorted, grinning in spite of the stand-off. He was just happy to see him again. Another bolt of lightning illuminated the woods and drove the boys into each others arms. Without another word, they quickly continued on, Carlos assisting the bigger boy with walking.

Suddenly, the air felt electrified and all of their hair rose high on their heads, except for Carlos' of course, since his was contained in his helmet**.**_** ZZZZZZZZZZ..**._

"_Whoah!"_ Kendall cried, "that was weird!"

"Not really," said Carlos, "the plate in my head causes that all the time."

A blazing white light sizzled close by, quickly followed by an ear-deafening boom of thunder that made the ground beneath their feet vibrate with its power. It terrified all four boys, who ran blindly until their paths crossed until they were all reunited. The next flash ended with them narrowly dodging a scorched patch of earth, where a bolt had blazed through and left a trail of charred foliage.

They screamed as if they had just seen Freddy Krueger in the woods. That is the precise moment that the skies chose to open up and spill its contents on boys below, drenching them in a matter of seconds.

"_**REALLY?" **_Kendall cried, realizing that he was getting soaked in the last of his dry clothes for the fourth time that weekend. He pulled his tattered shirt up over his head, in a failed attempt to keep dry.

They trudged along, whimpering with various ailments, and searched for a temporary shelter from the downpour. They ran beneath a canopy of tree branches to get relief.

"James!" Logan scolded over the roar of the rain. "Is that our map?"

James looked at him innocently through his wet eyelashes, and from underneath the makeshift hat that did indeed prove to be the map. He slowly removed it from his head, and handed it over to the scowling boy.

Logan gingerly attempted to unfold the map, which immediately disintegrated his hands. He gave James a scathing look, who in turn looked down at his injured ankle and pouted. Logan did not show lenience.

"Do you still have the compass, Kendall?" Logan asked desperately. He was feeling weak and nauseous, and knew from medical journals that he wasn't supposed to walk around if he had a snake bite.

Kendall dug it out and studied it. "Yeah, still intact even after the bears mauled me..." he mumbled.

"_**BEARS!" **_they all cried in horror, noticing for the first time that Kendall's clothes were in tatters. Even wet, the red stripes from the claws were visible on his exposed chest.

"Don't ask!" said Kendall.

The wind was blowing fiercely now, and the trees bowed to its will. It was becoming difficult to stay upright. Kendall was practically bent in half from the force. Suddenly the air felt electrified again.

Another crash of lightning and boom of thunder, came too close for comfort. They made a mad dash for it. Carlos spotted a cave-like structure, and ran right into it, without the others knowing. Visibility was poor with the rain was coming down in sheets. James spun in circles on one foot, using the stick as a pivot, and searched for Carlos.

"Where-" he began, but Kendall cut him off.

"Never mind! I think something's wrong with Logan!" he cried.

The smaller boy was in fact fading fast. His skin was even paler, and he seemed to be wheezing now. His eyes were distant, and he was leaning his full weight into the side of his friend. He was shaking with chills, and his bangs hung heavy in his eyes. Kendall pulled him to shelter under a ridge. He removed the remnants of his cotton shirt to dry Logan's hair like a puppy that had just had a bath. No sooner had he finished drying it, then the rain stopped as if a switch had flipped.

Kendall stared up at the sky. "Interesting," he mused.

"Carlos!" James continued to call, still with no response.

James gawked at the wounds that were visible when Kendall bared his chest. "Holy crud, Kendall!"

"I'm fine, James! Let's just get back, and take care of him! We need to get help!"

James removed Logan's backpack from his slumped shoulders, lightening the load. Logan looked baffled. "James...what are you-"

"Logan, it's okay. James has it. I need to carry _you _now," Kendall said.

"But, my vials..."

"They'll be fine," James assured him.

Kendall studied the compass for a moment, determining their location, when a large bird swooped down, and snatched the compass from his hand. It flew away. He was too shocked to react.

"It's the bird!" James cried in terror. He hid behind Kendall and Logan, scouring the sky.

"The bird?" Kendall echoed, puzzled.

"Yes! She has been taunting me all morning! She's_ eeee-vil!"_

"Or...it's just a bird, who like any bird, likes shiny things," Kendall pointed out. James shook his head, and hobbled full speed ahead.

Kendall slung the lethargic Logan over his shoulder, and followed behind James. It was a frustratingly slow pace with the added weight of his 'little burden', and before long, James was far ahead.

Logan moaned. "Kendall..."

"Just hang in there, buddy," Kendall said. "Wait up James, I have to rearrange him! My shoulder is going numb!"

James plopped down on a rock and sighed. Even maimed, he made it further than Kendall and Logan. Bored while waiting for them to catch up, he decided to inspect Logan's backpack and see what he collected.

James couldn't help but be curious about what the vials inside. He opened each one, and sniffed the contents deeply. Mmmmm...this one smells nice, he thought. I wonder what it is. He pulled the piece of leaf out, and brought it to his nose. Nice and fresh-smelling, he thought. He never read the label that said _Poison Sumac._

"Carlos!" he called again. Where on earth could that crazy kid be?

"He's probably already back at the tent," Kendall said, finally catching up. James flung the vials back in the back-pack.

"I hope so." A shrill scream echoed through the air, and sounded suspiciously like Carlos'. "I don't think he's back at the tent!" James said.

"Go on. Go get him! I"ll head back by myself, and meet you there," Kendall said. "But, don't get lost! Stay on the path!"

James winked. "Got it, Dad!" Kendall rolled his eyes.

xxx

James didn't have to wait long to find Carlos. He came screaming past with a fistful of corn dogs, closely pursued by three tiny, baby bears.

"_**You can't have them!"**_ Carlos yelled back to the bears. James' eyes went huge when he saw that there were actual bears tailing him, regardless of size.

"**Just give them the corn dogs, Carlos!"** James shouted.

"_**NEVER!"**_

Carlos raced closer, easily overtaking him in his current condition, and stuffed the corn dogs into Logan's backpack, still in James' possession.

"_**HEY! What are you doing!"**_ James bellowed. **"I'm maimed! I can't run!"**

Fortunately for them, the baby bears were afraid to stray further from home and mama bear, and turned around, disappearing back into the cave.

"**What were you thinking?" **cried James.

"I just went in to get out of the storm! The wind was gusting, and I thought you guys would follow me, but you didn't! I saw my corn dogs lying there, and realized they must have stolen them from the cooler, so I took them back! **How was I supposed to know that** _**bears**_** took them!" **Carlos explained. "I _really_ have a headache," he added with an extreme pout.

James gave him an exasperated sigh. He tugged at the helmet that seemed lodged on the swollen head, until it came off with a pop.

"OW!" Carlos whined, "that really hurt!"

"That's probably why you have such a headache. Come on! Let's go!"

xxx

Kelly and Gustavo heard voices and wove their way between the branches. "I think that was James' voice," Gustavo said. They followed the voices back to the camp, and hid behind a tree.

Kendall was walking around in circles, looking for the tent that no longer seemed to exist. He panicked, until he found the campsite through forensic evidence. The area was strewn with their things. The clothes that he hung to dry, were haphazardly hanging from branches of trees, along with more of James' designer boxers. The duffel bags were also sitting nearby.

"What is this? _The Wizard Of Oz?_" Kendall cried, assessing the scene.

Exhausted from carrying Logan, he laid him down on the driest spot he could find...the one where the tent once stood. "_What are we going to do?"_ he asked aloud, and of one in particular.

"Get the heck outta' here," a voice answered. Kendall glanced up to see James and Carlos standing there. Carlos gawked when Kendall looked up, and he saw tears streaming down his cheeks.

"_**Oh my God! Is it too late? Is he-d-dead?" **_Carlos screamed. Logan opened one eye warily to see if he was dead, then fell back down, relieved that it looked nothing like he imagined heaven. Actually it looked a lot more like hell to him.

"_**No,**_** he's not dead yet!"** Kendall cried incredulously. "But, we need to keep the venom from traveling through his bloodstream, somehow."

"Aren't you supposed to suck the venom out?" asked James. "I heard somewhere, that that's what you should do."

Logan lifted his head. "No, you're not supp-"

"Quiet!" said Kendall, pushing him back down by the face.

"Oh, thank God, you're still alive!" Carlos squealed, then yelled even louder, **"Don't worry, Logan!** **We'll suck it for you if we have to!"**

"_What _did he just say?" asked Kelly from their hideout. Gustavo jiggled.

"You guys are right, we do need to get the heck out of here. This has been a complete disaster. And now, we don't even have a tent," Kendall said sadly. "Logan is in trouble and needs a doctor."

Logan whimpered and sat up. "Whoa, take it easy there," Kendall said, pushing him back down.

"No, don't!" Logan pleaded, fighting Kendall's hands off to sit back up.

"I think he's delirious!" Carlos cried.

Logan clutched at his stomach and leaned over on his side, emptying the contents of his stomach into a bag of clothes laying beside him.

"AHHHHHHH!" James shrieked, tugging at his hair in frustration. "MY BAG!"

_"James!"_ Kendall scolded.

Logan wiped his mouth with one of the shirts from the bag, and fell back to the ground with a moan and a thump. "Sorry," he murmured. "Where are we, anyway?" he asked.

"I believe we're in the land of Oz," Kendall answered sarcastically, receiving a very baffled look in return.

**I have changed the total parts to six now, due to an abundance of stupidity, that has not made it to print yet. Please read and review. You will make my day!**

**Sincerely,**

**Crumpet**


	5. Part V: Is It Over Yet?

**Part V: Is It Over Yet?**

"What will we tell everyone, who said that we couldn't even make it through an entire weekend, without caving?" Carlos asked.

Oh, you certainly went caving, Carlos! But, never mind that now! Let's just pack up and get to the truck fast!" Kendall said.

They quickly threw together the remaining items; minus the tent, food, and various other things that had either blown away, was high in the trees, or was taken by bears.

Kelly was watching through the binoculars."What's going on?" Gustavo asked her.

She shook her head. "I wish I knew."

xxx

Mrs. Knight and Katie finally approached the tent. "Well mom, now what?" asked Katie.

"Well, I just want to know that they're okay, then we'll figure out a way to end this trip, and get the boys back where they belong," she said.

"Locked up in the apartment, under your watchful eyes, from this point on?" Katie asked.

"You betcha'!" She stared at the tent intently from behind the tree, waiting for any sign of them.

"See anything?" asked Katie.

"No."

"Are you positive that it's the right tent?"

"Yep, I can see the orange neon paint. I wonder why they set it up so close to the water though. The ground is awfully wet over here."

"Well, they're idiots," Katie reminded her.

"Katie!" Mrs. Knight warned.

"I'm just sayin'."

After ten more minutes of surveying the area and the tent, they decided to peek inside of it, finding it empty.

"Katie, I don't think they put this tent here. It's not even staked down."

"Maybe it blew here in that typhoon!" Katie exclaimed.

"Katie, that wasn't a typhoon. A really..._really, _horrible thunderstorm maybe...I'm afraid you might be right."

"Without a tent Mom, and obviously without half of their belongings from the looks of it, how much longer can they hold out? I say we go back to that nice cozy lodge, just relax, hang out, and wait for them to come sniveling back, admitting that they're idiots and need their mommy."

"I can't believe that I'm saying this, but that might be the best idea I've heard all day. They could be anywhere, and the odds of us finding them in all of this wilderness are pretty slim. We'll just alert the rangers that they're missing, and let them find them."

Katie rolled her eyes. "How embarrassing," she muttered. Then she brightened. "_Yeah.._.let's do that!"

Meanwhile, Gustavo and Kelly were close enough to the boys to hear their muffled voices clearly. "Let's see what they're up to," Gustavo whispered.

"Well, at least we know that they're still alive and well," Kelly whispered back.

"Well they're alive," Gustavo agreed, "But, not necessarily well!"

Just then, Hawk and Rebecca sent the red remote control vehicle containing the skunk, swerving into their path. They screamed.

"Isn't that the same skunk from before?" Kelly asked, running toward the boys campsite, with Gustavo close behind. They hid behind a nearby tree.

"Who was _that?_" asked James, cowering behind Carlos. A tiny red car sped by.

The boys screamed, not because it was a skunk approaching them, but because their minds could not register _why _a skunk was driving a red convertible through the woods, to begin with.

**"_Why is a skunk driving a car?"_** Carlos shrieked.

The screams brought Gustavo and Kelly out of hiding, and the boys screamed again, much louder this time.

"W-W-What are _you_ guys doing here?" James asked.

Rebecca and Hawk were furious that their plans were foiled by none other than Gustavo Rocque, himself. They too, revealed themselves, by angrily stomping over to retrieve the empty remote-controlled car.

"AW! We've lost Honeysuckle!" Hawk cried in frustration.

'_**What are you **__**guys doing here?!" **_everyone chorused.

The skunk reappeared, turning its back to the ill-willed duo, Rebecca and Hawk, and sprayed a cloud of acrid mist.

"**Oh sweet mother of pearl!"** Hawk shouted, covering his face with both hands.

"**My eyes-sss!"** Rebecca hissed. "Oh, how it burns!"

"I know why_ they're_ here!" Gustavo shouted. "Because they're trying to destroy_ me!_"

"By running you over with a foot-long car, using a skunk as a driver?!" Kendall asked.

"NO! By making a fool out of _you_ guys, by taking photos and spreading them all over the internet!"

"Phffft! That's never gonna' happen!" James said.

Rebecca took several pictures with her phone. "Hey!" shouted Carlos.

"It's okay! So you took a few pictures of us! Get a life..." Logan looked around at the other boys. "Ahhhh!" he yelled when he saw James' face. It was so red and puffy now, he hardly recognized him. Logan grimaced, then looked apologetic.

"_What?!"_ James cried, throwing his hands up to his cheeks. He tweaked his own nose, which was now doubled in size.

Kendall had no shirt on, and the long claw marks were a vivid red. Carlos had a massive purple egg, smack in the center of his forehead, and he was pretty sure he, himself, did not look well. Not if he looked anything like he felt. As a matter of a fact...Logan swooned and his knees buckled, just before his eyes crossed and he fainted.

Rebecca took more pictures.

"Give me that!" Kelly yelled, wrestling the blonde for the phone.

xxx

The rangers were scouring the park for the four wayward boys, that they'd been sent to find, while Katie and her mother reclined on lawn chairs by the pool.

"Wow, they even have a pool here! We really should enjoy all of what nature has to offer, more often."

Mrs. Knight gave her daughter a disappointed look. "Katie! This doesn't change the facts. There are four innocent, frightened little boys out there. Lost...starving...likely crying..."

"Oh please, Mom! Innocent little boys?! Lost, frightened, and crying, I'm definitely buying, but innocent and little? Give me a break! Man, I'm going to tease those idiots forever about this-"

"Katie! There will be no teasing! And stop calling them idiots!"

xxx

Seeing that Rebecca was in a cat-fight with Kelly, Hawk pulled out his own cell phone, and attempted to take photos.

"RUN!" Gustavo shouted to the boys. **"You all look horrible and ridiculous! And this will ruin me!"**

They might as well have attempted to run the _Mogadishu Mile, _for the difficulty that ensued. Kendall picked up the unconscious Logan, James leaned on the smaller Carlos, and they hobbled off as fast as they could with the newly acquired ailments.

Unfortunately, they never saw the steep ravine that dropped off into a pit of porcupines below. They shrieked as they tumbled, head-over-heels into the den, finishing with the loudest scream ever to grace the tranquil woods. The porcupines scurried away, their work complete.

"_OW! OW! OW!"_ Kendall cried, hopping around in circles "HURTS. SO. BAD!"

"JUST SHOOT ME, ALREADY!" James cried, desperately trying to stand upright with the porcupine needles sticking out of his bum.

"I WANT PAPI!" Carlos sobbed.

Logan curled up into a porcupine ball, spikes protruding every which way, whimpering. He resembled a porcupine himself, and was afraid to move. Every movement was painful.

"**HELP US!"** they all screamed.

The team of rangers came running. "They're down there!" shouted Gustavo. The rangers looked down into the pit and laughed. The boys were humiliated.

**"You're _laughing,_ at our pain?!"** Kendall asked incredulously. _"OWWW!"_ he cried, when the movement only dug the quills in deeper.

"You boys ain't never been campin' before, have you?" the one with the platinum blond buzz-cut asked.

**"Of course, we've been camping before!"** scoffed James.** "But, they didn't have hedgehogs there! **_**OWWWW! **_I hate hedgehogs!" he blubbered.

Logan tried to unfurl his body enough to throw James a look. "These are porcupines, not hedgehogs, James!_** OW! OW! OW OW!"**_

"Whatever! I hate those too! _OWWW!""_

The rangers laughed harder. They threw down a rope. "Okay, boys! Hold on to the end of that rope!"

Kendall tried to grasp the swinging rope with no success. "OW! Too painful!" he conceded.

The ranger sighed. "All right! We're coming down to get ya'."

The entire campground heard the screams that ensued. They ran for cover, either into their tents, or back to the lodge. Some whom just pulled into the lot, turned around and left all together. Mrs. Knight put her hand on her daughter's arm.

"What is all _that,_ Mom?!"

"That was Kendall's scream! I'm sure of it! I would know it anywhere! From the first cry birth, to the circumcision, to the first vaccine, and-"

"Stop! I get it, Mom! He screams a lot!"

"We have to see what's wrong!"

"No. They said to stay put, and they'll bring them to us. You know we'll just keep missing each other."

"You're right, Katie. The boys just sound so...so hurt!" She held her face in her hands and cried.

"It'll be okay, Mom. Let the rangers do their job. How about a nice frozen concoction?" Katie asked, spotting a smoothie cart setting up shop over her mother's shoulder.

xxx

The rangers succeeded in getting the boys on pop-open canvas stretchers, lying on their stomachs of course, and took them back to their campsite.

"Ow! _OW! _**OWWWW!** _OW!..." _they all groaned the entire way.

"Now what?" Kelly asked, looking over the four whimpering boys.

The dark-haired ranger looked them over. "Well, my advice is to get those quills out as soon as possible! They ain't gonna come out on their own! Gonna' hurt like a bear, though!"

"_OHHH! _Don't say, _bear_!" Kendall whined, now lying on his sore chest.

"Yeah, that reminds me boys!" another ranger said, "We're gonna' have to issue you all citations!"

"_WHAT?!"_ Logan squeaked. _**"FOR WHAT?!"**_

He took out a booklet and pen, and began to scribble. "For disobeying the posted signs, as well as placing yourselves and others in danger, of course!"

"How did we place _others, _in danger?!_" _James asked indignantly. "Owwwww..."

"We all had to come get you!" he answered.

"Isn't that your job?" asked Logan.

The ranger walked over and pushed on one of the quills sticking out of his bum, then yanked it out, wanting to punish the annoying boy for having such a smart mouth.

**"OWWWWWWWWW!"** Logan screamed.

"NOOOOOO!" James cried, covering his head. Carlos began to wail.

The boys moaned, and shook with fear. "That's how you gotta' do it! The quills have them little hooks on the ends of them, and have to be forced in further, before you can pull them out. Oh, and you may wanna' have that nasty snake bite checked out, boy!" he said.

Gustavo jiggled in surprise, and Kelly's eyes went round. "Snake bite?"

The ranger looked Logan over. "Only a few dozen more to go there, little fella.'"

"Don't touch them!" Logan pleaded. "Uh-oh. Um, James?" Logan said shyly. " Do you have a pair of underwear I could um...borrow?"

"No! You've already violated the 'don't borrow underwear code' before! Do you think underwear grows on trees?!" James cried.

Everyone looked up at the trees nearby, where a variety of items, including James' designer boxers, were still hanging from the branches.

"Actually..." said Logan.

"**NO!"** James insisted.

Logan flinched. _"Owwwwww."_

"Well can you like...oh I don't know...CALL SOMEONE WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE DOING HERE, AND HELP THEM OUT?!" Gustavo roared. He took a deep breath, and adjusted his shirt. "I for one, would like to end this outing, and get back before something else goes wrong!"

A pretty young redhead was radioed to the site to remove the quills. Completely humiliated one by one in a pop-up tent, the porcupine needles were painstakingly removed. Kelly and Gustavo, covered their ears throughout the ordeal, and Rebecca and Hawk grabbed every opportunity to snap a photo with their cell phones, which were promptly snatched and stomped on by Kelly.

The redhead exited, with her last victim James. She winked at him. "I've done everything that I can here. They need to get to a medical facility right away when they get home. No driving for the cute blond over there, and actually none of these cuties can drive," she said as an afterthought. "I've given them all a dose of painkillers that will help for now, but they can't drive a vehicle, or operate any heavy machinery."

"Like a back-hoe or a crane?" Logan slurred and giggled. The boys all smiled like dopes, and nodded at their spectators.

"We can't even drive a teeny-weeny, red convertible!" laughed Carlos. The loopy boys all laughed heartily, while everyone else just stared.

"Oh, brother," muttered Gustavo.

"I'm not able to give out any further medications, and or advice, on their injuries. Sorry." With that, she packed up her things, gave them one last wink, and sauntered off. "I'll come see one of your concerts!" she called back.

The rangers led the gang of campers to a spot, not more than a few feet from where they had camped, and stopped.

"Why are we stopping here?" asked Carlos.

"This is the campsite," the ranger said.

"But...we've only come a few feet," Kendall reiterated.

"Yep," the ranger said.

"_**You mean, we were right here the whole time, and didn't know it?!"**_ Kendall cried in disbelief.

"Oh thank God, Katie! They're all right!" a voice full of relief and joy came from the other side of the bushes.

"_**MOM?!"**_ Kendall asked, in a high voice of shock.

Kendall divided the bushes, and there sat his mom and his sister in lounge chairs. _**"WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?!" **_They shrugged, looking rather guilty.

"How did you all, ever even find us?!" asked Carlos.

They all began to mumble at once, answering with a slew of information.

"_**STOP!"**_ Kendall cried in exasperation. It fell silent. "One at a time,_ please!"_

"We were all worried about you," Kelly said. "You weren't that easy to find, by the way!"

Kendall stared at Gustavo. "Yeah...she's right," Gustavo unwillingly conceded.

"Well,_ we_ just wanted to destroy you," said Rebecca. "CAW!" Hawk said.

"_**OH, SHUT UPPPP!" **_everyone yelled.

"We just knew that you idiots couldn't handle a weekend unsupervised," said Katie. "Besides, we were just on the other side of these bushes most of the time." She pulled open the bushes even further to show the lodge just ahead in the distance.

"_**You mean, ****that**** was there the whole time too?!"**_ Kendall said.

"**YESSSSS!" everyone yelled back.**

"Hey," Logan said weakly, "why am I still alive?"

Everyone stared at him. "Why wouldn't you be?" Gustavo asked in confusion.

"He was bit by a venomous snake!" Carlos blurted out excitedly.

"_**WHAT?!" **_they all shouted.

"Yeah, about the same time that Kendall got attacked by a bear!" he continued.

"_**WHAT?!"**_

"That's also the same time that I was hit by a deer!" Carlos added proudly, pointing to his forehead.

"_**WHAT?!"**_

Everyone looked over at James, waiting to hear his story. He felt a little jealous that his injury didn't seem as dramatic now.

"I..um, hurt my ankle really bad...and I haven't been able to use any products whatsoever, today!" he yelped. He hung his head in shame, but then they moved closer, and studied his pink puffy face.

"_**EWWWWWW!"**_ they all shouted.

"_**WHAT?!" **_he cried, blubbering immediately, and turning to rub his face up against the bark of a tree. _"Ahhhhh..._." he said when it felt so good to scratch it.

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all," Gustavo said, deciding not to tell the overly theatrical boy about his rash.

"Just, have you been into any poisonous plants, while you were here?" Kelly asked, her eyes enormous.

"_Nooo-oooo!" _said James, thinking hard. He scoffed at them. "I know better than to touch any plant that looks like poison oak or ivy!"

Logan swallowed hard when he saw the unzipped backpack, now back on his arm. "How about poison... _sumac_?" he asked.

"We better get you boys home, while there's still something left of you!" Mrs. Knight said, rubbing her son's shoulder gently.

"OW! MOM! You might not, want to do that!" Kendall pleaded.

"**Kendall Donald Knight! Did you fore-go the sunscreen, again!"**

"What an idiot!" Katie smirked, enjoying his pain.

"I'm not leaving!" Carlos suddenly burst out.

"_What?!"_ Logan asked.

"Not until we have campfire s'mores!"

"Carlos, you've had plenty of s'mores before. What about at Camp Wonkey-Donkey?"

"I don't care!" He pouted, and folded his arms across his chest. "We went through all of this, and I was promised s'mores but I never got them!"

"I'll make you s'mores when we get home, sweetie," Mrs. Knight said. She looked embarrassed, suddenly noticing the curious onlookers, now gathering closer to where they stood.

He stomped his foot, and thrust his lower lip out further. "I'm not leaving til I get s'mores!"

Kendall rolled his eyes. "Just stop it, Carlos!"

"No, you stop-"

"I wanna' go home!" James suddenly cut in, with a wail and tears streaming down his puffy pink face.

Logan whimpered and began to heave. He clutched at his stomach. "Help me, Mama Knight!"

"Okay then!" Mrs. Knight said sheepishly, looking at what was now a large _crowd, _of laughing and pointing campers. "The boys, just really need to be put down for a nap!" she announced, loud enough for everyone to hear, even over all four boys who had finally snapped, and were crying dramatically.

"Hey! Isn't that Big Time Rush!" one guy shouted.

"**It is!"** a girl answered. The crowd snickered and moved in closer.

Kelly picked up a stick and poked at the crowd with it. **"Back away you sickos!"** she shouted at the group of people, who were now brandishing cameras.

"**Yeah! GO ON! Party's over!"** Gustavo added.

"Awwwwwwww," the crowd murmured in disappointment.

"I've certainly got some cleaning up to do over this, or GRIFFIN"S GOING TO KILL ME!" Gustavo yelled to the sky.

**Well, this just may be some of the most ridiculous writing I have ever done...but I'm having so much fun! :) And, isn't the show pretty crazy too? I LOOOOOOOOVE your reviews! Hint Hint ;)**

**The next part is the finale, so thanks for reading so far!**

**Crumpet**


	6. Part VI: No Place Like Home

**A/N: Thanks to all the campers who went on the trail with Big Time Rush! This is the conclusion I promised. A special shout-out to my reviewers: Physco WiTh a CaPiTaL S, Cherieai, winterschild11, LazyLazyWriter, BookWorkKendall, 1234irrek, YourDarkestHours, jug, miss-u2, BTR'slovesong, and anonymous reviewers. You guys are awesome!**

**I do not own Big Time Rush, in case you didn't know!**

**VI: No Place Like Home**

Mrs. Knight and Katie walked the boys back to the lodge to rest so she, Kelly and Gustavo could gather and load the scattered belongings.

"Ah, my chest hurts, my skin hurts, my throat is beginning to hurt-" Kendall listed.

"My ankle hurts, my whole body itches-" James cut in.

"My mouth hurts, my head hurts-" Carlos interrupted.

"Everything hurts!" Logan finished.

"What a bunch of babies..." Katie muttered.

Mrs. Knight opened the door to the room, and the boys fell through the open doorway gratefully. They were a mess, and Katie suggested showers right away.

"A real bed!" Logan squeaked.

"Air conditioning!" Kendall exclaimed.

"A refrigerator!" Carlos squealed.

"Hair-care products and a hair dryer!" cheered James. He instantly headed for the mirror.

Katie stopped him. "You might not want to do that, just yet," she warned.

"Katie, I'm a big boy. I know that you guys said that I have poison sumac, and it _really itches, _but I'm sure that- _Ahhhhh!" _He saw the face in the mirror, but there was no possible way that it belonged to him. This face was grotesque. Swollen, bright pink, with little red dots all over it... _"Wahhh!"_

"James honey, calm down," Mrs. Knight said, steering him over to a bed. "I'll get you some calamine lotion to put on that. What you boys really need now is a nap," she said firmly.

"Can't we just sleep on the way home?" wailed James, wanting to get away from public scrutiny.

"You'll just have to walk through the lobby of the Palmwoods if we go home now," Logan reminded him.

"We could put a bag over his head," suggested Carlos.

"I thought that _you_ were the one that was so gun-ho about staying," Kendall snapped.

"Oh, I am, but I want s'mores first," Carlos insisted, folding his arms across his chest. "I was promised."

"So, we're supposed to stay in this God-forsaken neck of the woods, just so you can eat some marshmallow treats?" asked Kendall.

"Yep."

"You can't be serious! Does anyone even care that I've been bitten by a venomous snake? I'm dying here, you know!" Logan said indignantly.

"Oh, Logan! You've been dying all day!" James said grumpily.

"Yeah..._why is that?"_ Logan asked, his voice climbing higher with wonder.

"Sweetie, I don't think the snake was venomous," Mrs. Knight said. "I think you just had an allergic reaction to a non-venomous snake." Logan shrugged, thinking that she might be right.

"Yeah! So just shut up!" Carlos yelled childishly. Mrs. Knight firmly grabbed him by the shoulders, and spun him around to face the bed.

"Bed, Now!" she ordered.

"If I hadn't gone in the drink for that stupid helmet, I wouldn't have had to take my wet shirt off, and get sunburned!" Kendall growled, pointing to the popped blisters that were stinging his shoulders.

"It's not my fault that you didn't put sunscreen on your fair skin!" Carlos threw back. Mrs. Knight pushed him the rest of the way to the bed.

"Mom, they really need showers!" Katie reminded her.

Mrs. Knight gave her daughter a look. "Oh yeah? Are you going to put up with this bickering any longer?"

"No. Put them in a closet or something."

"Well, it is your fault that the bears destroyed my Calvin Klein boxers!" James shouted at Carlos.

"How do you figure?!" Carlos asked from the bed.

"You enticed them to come to our campsite with corn dogs!" James yelled.

"Na-ah!" said Carlos, thrusting out his chin.

"Yeah, you kind of did," Logan butted in.

"Well, you're the one who up-chucked in James' bag of clothes!"

"I was bitten by a snake!" Logan said defensively.

Kendall suddenly sneezed, and wiped as his runny nose with the back of his hand. "Gross," said Katie, handing him a handful of Kleenex.

"Now. I'm sick because of that stupid helmet!" Kendall cried.

Carlos jumped up and stomped his foot. "Why is everyone blaming me?!"

"BOYS! BOYS! BOYS!" Mrs. Knight shouted, finally having enough of the bickering. "If you all don't lie down and take a nap right now, I'll knock all of you out."

Their eyes grew wide, and they shuffled around one another to get to one of the two beds. All on one, they scurried back off and tried again, running into one another, and groaning as they went. Katie smiled with glee and crossed her arms.

"There, that's better!" Mrs. Knight said sweetly, and with a smile. "Now I'm going to the pharmacy for a few items, and I will be back in a while."

"Bye!" they called obediently.

"You're not leaving me here with these idiots, are you?" Katie asked.

"Of course. I need someone to watch over them while I'm out."

"But, I'm not a babysitter, Mom!" Katie said.

"You are today!" she called on her way out. Katie sighed.

"I'm not feeding you or getting you drinks. I'm watching _Royal Pains_, so I keep the remote. I won't put up with any fighting, talking too loud over the television, or being a nuisance in general," she said sternly.

"Geez Katie, Who made you the boss?" Kendall said with attitude of his own.

"Mom. I'm in charge now, and your nap begins..." she checked the time on her cell phone, "NOW!"

With that, Katie grabbed a water bottle from the fridge, and sat on the sofa to watch her show. They all stuck their tongues out at the back of her head.

xxx

Mrs. Knight returned with calamine lotion, Tylenol, Benadryl, and Neosporin. Still, she wondered if she could even begin to treat their injuries and ailments.

All four boys were sound asleep when she clicked on the light, and Katie was still watching television. The place was a mess.

"What happened here!?"

"Oh, they got a little rowdy with each other, and let's just say...it didn't end well."

"Katie! I thought you'd keep this under control!"

"Mom, I told you I wasn't a babysitter! They started fighting about who had to sleep with James, because he was contaminated with poison sumac, which he better not touch any of my stuff. And, Logan was griping that he might throw up again, so then no one wanted to sleep with him. Then Kendall kept sneezing and blowing his nose, and no one wanted him either. James was just plain whiney and itchy, and wouldn't stop blubbering."

"So, how did they all end up on the same bed?"

"Well, I couldn't let them contaminate _two _beds!" Mrs. Knight stared at her daughter. "Oh okay, I took some pictures on my cell, and told them that I'd post them tonight if they couldn't get along. I guess that they really didn't trust me," she said with an innocent shrug.

"Katie!"

"Well, it worked, didn't it?"

xxx

Later that evening, after the boys had slept for over six hours, showered on command, and stopped fighting for a while, Mrs. Knight ordered them pizza. She gave all of them Tylenol, Kendall some cold tablets, James a dousing of calamine lotion and Benadryl, and Logan some ginger ale. Feeling at least clean and sated, they let Carlos talk them into making s'mores before they headed home.

The jeep was packed with the belongings that they could salvage, and Kelly and Gustavo met up with them on the campgrounds. They set their camping chairs around the pyramid of wood, and Carlos lit it with his trusty lighter wand.

"It's pretty nice over on this side,"Logan said.

"Yeah, not as many mosquitos," Carlos said.

"Well yeah, you guys might as well have set up camp on a bog, for crying out loud!" Gustavo said. "You ruined my sneakers with all that mud."

"Well, we never encouraged you guys to follow and spy on us," Kendall said, pausing to sneeze.

"Bless you, and we were right to think that you guys would get yourselves in trouble," Kelly added.

"We wouldn't have, if Kendall hadn't taken us to the bears' domain!" James said.

"Oh, here we go again!" Katie said, shaking her head. "Hand me a stick, I'm going to roast a marshmallow."

"You _do_ realize, that all of you are going to have to go to the clinic before you can come back to the studio, don't you?"Gustavo asked.

"What? Why?" Carlos asked.

"**Because you're all a mess! Or haven't you noticed?!"** he bellowed.

"No one can _see _us, in the recording studio! We'll just be singing!" Kendall said.

"You're all going, and that's final!" Mrs. Knight said sternly.

Katie smiled. "What are you all so worried about? They'll probably just have to give you all tetanus shots, penicillin shots-"

"Katie!"

"I'm just sayin'."

"Hand me the grahams and the chocolate bars!" Mrs. Knight said, trying to change the subject. She roasted them, stacked a platter high, and passed them down. Everyone set some on their plate to cool.

"_OWWWWWWWW! Hot! Burns! Hurts!"_ Carlos cried. Tears poured down his cheeks.

"Carlos! What were you thinking?" Kendall scolded.

"Right now I'm thinking I hate s'mores!" he cried.

"Are you all right, sweetie?" Mrs. Knight asked, running to inspect his mouth. "Oh, you burned it good, didn't you?"

Katie rolled her eyes. "Oh, brother! All of you are a camping hazard! They should have posted a warning sign about you guys, and made you all wear caution tape!"

Kelly grabbed some ice from the cooler, and held it to his scalded lips and tongue. "Isth thit threally bad?!" he asked.

She stared at his mouth with wide eyes. "Uh...uh...no! Not bad." Small blisters were already beginning to form, and it was red and swollen.

"Well, you wanted s'mores and you got s'mores!" James announced sarcastically, enjoying his own cooled ones. He rubbed his cheek up against Logan's shoulder to quell the itch.

Logan slapped him away. "Contagious!" he snapped.

xxx

The trip home to the Palmwoods started out quietly, but that was only because they were all too miserable to even fight. Katie sat in the front, refusing to be in the back with any of the boys. She occasionally turned around to snicker at their misfortune, but other than that, they listened to the radio and stayed silent. Until...

"Mama Knight?"

"Yes, Logan?"

"May I use the bathroom?"

"Well... can't you just wait until we get a little further, sweetie?" she asked. She only had a couple more miles before her exit.

"No."

"So, as in the bathroom, do you mean a tree?" Katie asked gleefully.

"You better pull over Mama Knight, or you'll be sorry!" Carlos chimed in. Logan smacked him in the back of the head. Carlos smacked him back, accidentally elbowing James in the face again.

"Hey! You've done that three times this weekend!" James hollered, holding his cheek and whacking Carlos on top of the head.

"That hurt!" cried Carlos, thumping him back in the chest.

"Kendall?" James asked indignantly. "A little help here!"

Kendall sneezed. "Yeah, Carlos. Knock it off. " _Ah-chooo! _"I'm already sick because of you and Helmet."

They all started to bicker at the same time. Katie covered her ears and looked at her mother.  
"Aren't you going to do anything!" she cried.

"Stop saying that! You don't know that-"

"No! You know-"

"I know that you-"

"**Boys! Don't make me have to pull this van over!" **Mrs. Knight shouted over them. They immediately stopped, and looked at one another. "That's better," she said sweetly, while they jabbed at each other in the back.

"They're still fighting, Mom," Katie said.

Mrs. Knight brought the van to a screeching halt, leaving a trail of black tire marks on the pavement. She stormed out of the van. **"Everybody out!"** she boomed. **"Line up!"**

Katie jumped out, folded her arms, and leaned against the side of the van to enjoy the show. Mrs. Knight slid open the door, and sauntered in front of the wayward boys. She tried not to notice how pitiful they looked.

They trampled one another to exit the vehicle, and pushed each other aside to get in a line. They knew that she was serious this time, and they stared guiltily at their feet.** "I won't tolerate any more ****fighting, understand?! If you do, I will not take care of you boys, at all this week!"**

They nodded. Gustavo stared as he drove by in his car. Kelly stared as she passed by in their jeep. A carload of squealing girls stared as they passed in a convertible. They blushed and looked away.

"**The first one who fights will be grounded for a month! No cell phones! No X-Box! No anything!"**

She stared at her son and waited. He hung his head in shame. "Sorry, Mom."

She walked down the line, and stared at Logan. "Sorry, Mama Knight," he said, and looked down.

She moved on, and stared at James. "Sorry," he pouted.

Carlos, was already in tears. "I'm sorry too! I won't fight anymore!" he cried.

"Okay then," she said with satisfaction. "Let's go home."

First, Logan darted behind a tree.

The rest of the trip was very quiet. Even Katie napped.

xxx

Everyone in the lobby stared curiously at the moving tent that walked by, and stumbled awkwardly to the elevator. It caught several times between the doors, opening and closing repeatedly, before finally breaking free. Suspiciously, Katie and Mrs. Knight soon followed, and took the elevator as well.

"Home sweet home!" Kendall said with a moan and a sigh, as he plopped down on the cozy orange sofa, and put his feet up on the coffee table.

"I know what you mean!" Carlos agreed, happily bouncing on its springy surface, only to wince at the discomfort it caused.

Logan sat down very carefully, but also smiled happily. "I think I've had enough of camping for a while."

James ran to the bathroom mirror and shrieked, before returning with a pout, and dropping to the sofa beside Logan.

The phone rang, and Katie picked it up. "Yeah, she's right here. **Mom!" **She smiled at the boys.

"Hello? Oh, hi Doctor Hollywood. Yes, let's see. Bear claw scratches, severe sunburn, poison sumac, snake bite, sprained ankle, head injury, burned mouth, a cold with a sore throat, and porcupine quills. Mmmm-hmmmm. Uh-huh."

Their eyes grew huge, as they waited to hear the verdict after all the mmm-hmmms and uh-huhs. Katie leaned over to listen in.

"Mmmm-hmmm. Uh-huh. I see." Katie grinned wider. "Yes, I can have them there, first thing in the morning. Okay, see you then."

"See I told you." Katie said smugly, "Tetanus shots, penicillin shots-"

"Katie!" her mother warned, as she steered her into the kitchen. "I have to get them there, you know!"she whispered angrily.

"Oh, yeah," Katie laughed.

xxx

Mrs. Knight left the clinic with her sulking brood in tow. They groaned everytime they moved.

"You poor babies!" Mrs. Knight cooed. "I'll take good care of you when we get home." She helped pile them into the van.

All four boys contracted poison sumac from contact with James, and all four had Kendall's cold and sore throat. Kendall required a tetnus shot, penicillin shot, ointments, and cold medication. James needed the penicillin shot, cold medication, ointments, and a temporary ankle brace. Carlos needed a penicillin shot, ointments, cold medication and a head scan. Logan needed both shots, cold medication, ointments and counseling to understand that he was in fact, _not_ going to die.

"There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home," they chanted from the back seat, just before passing out.

**The End**

**Thanks for reading! (:**


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